The Chesir-Teran family recently arrived for a year in Israel.
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September 9, 2009
Jerusalem — On the way to Israel on Aug. 9, South Orange resident Daniel Chesir-Teran heard that an anonymous gunman had killed two Israelis at a club for gays in Tel Aviv.
The news hit home for Chesir-Teran, a Montclair State University education professor who was on his way to Israel for the year, accompanying his husband Ian and their three adopted children. It was even more noteworthy for him, because he knew that they were about to become one of the best-known gay couples in Israel.
The Chesir-Teran family was featured over the past two weeks on the hit Israeli reality show Ima Machlifa (Substitute Mother), which is based on ABC’s Wife Swap. Normally on the show, one Israeli mother is temporarily switched with another from a different background for a week, usually with comical results.
This time, however, the producers of the show exchanged Dinah Barda from Kibbutz Ortal in the Golan Heights with none other than Ian Chesir-Teran. The two episodes were filmed in April 2008, but for technical reasons were not aired until Sept. 2 and 6 on Israel’s top-rated Channel 2.
The show struck a chord with viewers, who were intrigued by the clash between the ultra-secularist, homophobic, and racist Dinah with the religiously observant Daniel, whose children all happen to be African-American. Ian, who is studying at the Jewish Theological Seminary to become a Conservative rabbi, got along better with the Bardas, but there were also clashes on religious issues with Dinah’s kids, who feared that he would persuade their father Shlomo to become more observant.
The Chesir-Terans had hoped the episodes would air long before they came to Jerusalem for a year as part of Ian’s rabbinical studies. But because they happened to be in the country when the shows aired, they became instant celebrities on the streets of Jerusalem and gay role models in a country still in the midst of soul-searching following the Aug. 1 double-homicide, whose perpetrator still has not been found.
“It was surreal coming to Israel right after [the shooting] happened,” Daniel told NJJN in an interview under a pomegranate tree at a pastoral Jerusalem cafe. “My instant thought was that it would make it an interesting time to be here. We realized that the show would be on at a time when more attention would be given to gay/lesbian issues.”
And in a country that in recent summers faced war and a painful evacuation of Jews from their homes in the Gaza Strip saw August headlines dominated by how straight and gay and religious and secular Israelis were getting along. The timing of the show could not have been better, not only for the ratings-starved producers, but also for the Chesir-Terans, who hoped their appearance on the program would educate Israelis that families like theirs existed and could even be regarded as normal.
“In a short period of time, the Israeli public saw hatred of gay and lesbian people and then a more positive perspective on what it means to be gay from our family,” Ian said. “It shows the bad and good that can arise: Violence and hatred on one hand, and on the other, a family raising children with love and a strong commitment to Jewish values.”
Immediate reactions to the show on the street and in Israeli Internet discussion forums were overwhelmingly positive toward the Chesir-Terans. Young Israelis wrote them thanking them for portraying their lifestyle in such a positive way and telling them that they used the show to educate their families about what it is like to be gay.
On Channel 2’s website, most of the reactions to the shows that were posted accused Dinah of being primitive.
Strangers have been coming up to Daniel and Ian on the street and calling them “maximim” (superb). They said that no one has said anything negative to them personally, but they are not letting it go to their heads.
“I am not fooling myself that just because reaction on the street has been positive it means that all of Israel is like that,” Ian said. “A lot of the people who would be negative to us don’t even have a TV in the first place or wouldn’t be watching a reality show. But even if we would have gotten negative reactions, the positive reaction has made it worthwhile. We see that people have been touched and moved. That’s why we did the show.”
But there were at least a couple of anti-gay comments.
One anonymous poster at Channel 2 accused the show of “endangering confused young people who don’t know their sexual orientation.” Someone who posted under the name “Proud Phobe” wrote Ian and Daniel on the channel’s forum in Hebrew: “Stop seeking attention. Be homosexual, but shut up about it. You have nothing to be proud of. And anyone who disagrees with me can go jump in a lake.”
A review of the show in Israel’s largest circulation Hebrew newspaper, Yediot Ahronot, criticized the show for a different reason. It accused Channel 2 of stooping to sensationalism in an effort to achieve ratings.
“The spirit of Oprah Winfrey hovered over the opening episode of Ima Machlifa,” wrote reviewer Gefi Amir. “Negligent producers! You couldn’t find Reform religious gays who are also crippled? Oprah Winfrey has a lot of episodes like that. It was bizarre to the point of yellow.”
Ian and Daniel said they were surprised that the show was not as trashy as it could have been. They said they were also pleased about the respectful treatment of their children: Eliezer, eight; Yonah, six; and Tamar, three.
“Any hesitation we had was that we didn’t want to be part of a reality show.” Such programs in America, Ian said, “exploit differences to create conflicts. Editors could take the same footage and make you into a tzadik [saint] or a rasha,” or villain.
Daniel liked that the reviewer also wrote that he and Ian had kesem, literally meaning magic, but referring to their charm.
“Magic, great! We’ll spread our fairy dust everywhere,” he said.
Egalitarian lessons
The religious-secular divide between the Chesir-Terans and the Bardas was featured on the show just as much as their differences of sexual orientation. The fact that the egalitarian NJ couple insists on Tamar wearing a kipa like the rest of the family struck a nerve with Dinah, the Yediot reviewer, and with many Israelis watching at home.
As part of the exchange, Dinah had to go through one of Ian’s normal days, which includes praying at the Jewish Theological Seminary in New York, where women wear tefillin and lead services. This was something that Dinah — and most Israeli viewers — had never seen before.
Daniel and Ian said they were glad to be given the opportunity to expose religious pluralism to secular Israelis who are often familiar only with Orthodox Judaism. Ian made a point of sending Dinah and Shlomo’s teenage children to the Noam Conservative youth group when he was briefly put in charge of the Barda household.
“Part of the reason we did the show was to spark dialogue, get people talking, and take issues out of the closet,” Daniel said. “One of the chords we struck was that you can be a religious, non-Orthodox Jew. That’s something people here in Israel don’t see enough.”
“Now they saw a Conservative rabbinical student having influence on a secular Israeli family to bring them closer to religion,” he added, while putting his arm around Ian. “I’m so proud of you!”
Showing equal admiration for Daniel, Ian downplayed his own experience, saying, “I was on vacation on a kibbutz in the Golan, while Daniel was home with three kids and an Israeli, homophobic, anti-religious bigot.”
The producers of the show looked in America for a family like the Chesir-Terans, because they couldn’t find one in Israel. But since coming to Jerusalem, Ian and Daniel said they have met several families like theirs. They said several gay couples attend their Conservative synagogue in Jerusalem, but not nearly as many as back home at Congregation Beth El in South Orange.
Asked if they would consider living in Israel, they praised the Jewish state for its tolerance to gays and lesbians but said it would be logistically difficult. They are on good terms with Daniel’s large Orthodox family in Israel, but Ian noted that there are not too many jobs available in Israel for a gay Conservative rabbi.
They said they were proud that they had succeeded in touching a nerve in Israeli society in a positive way and they were looking forward to making friends on their “temporary exile in Jerusalem.” But they said they miss their support system back in New Jersey.
“We like being special here,” Ian said. “But it will be nice to go back to Essex County, where there are a variety of different kinds of families, where we can seamlessly blend in, and where we’re not so special.”
Reader Discussion
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Rafa Jo Chaim-Anshel
September 15, 2009
I originally was acquainted with Ian and Daniel Congregation Beth Simchat Torah, the largest LGBT synagogue in the world. I have heard of the changes in their lives through friends who are friends of theirs. I am very proud and admire their courage to come out and show who they are as a close knit loving family with love and beautiful values. I thank them…. Rafa Jo Chaim-Anshel, NY
Judy Meibach
September 23, 2009
I was originally introduced to the Chesir-Teran family through CBST - and was honored to be invited to their wedding - I remember seeing their children at an earlier stage - but have lost touch - I think this is a wonderful opportunity for the Israeli secular community to learn about Gay Observant families with African American children.