JustASC

Bangitout.com, the humor site for Modern Orthodox hipsters, has a list of the “Top Ten Most Annoying People in Synagogue,” including:

10. The OCD gabbi – continuously and condescendingly corrects the baal koreh on words he said incorrectly and correctly

9. The Parent who decides it’s better to not take his hysterical crying kids out of shul lest they miss a word of Torah reading

 7. The Chazan who is too self absorbed in hearing his own voice to realize he’s been davening for 4 hours

6. The Shusher

4. The Guy whose seat you are sitting in – who must make a huge public scene to ensure that you and the rest of the shul know it

3. The Baseball Score Guy -The most moving prayer of your life was just interrupted by an update on his fantasy team starting lineup

I can think of a few more:

The guy (or gal) who insists on harmonizing with the “Amens.”

The chazan who introduces the unfamiliar Adon Olam melody based on the 12-tone scale.

The guy who namedrops during the misheberach for the sick — you know, when the rabbi asks for congregants to announce the name of their ailing loved ones, and the guy says “Edward M. Kennedy” to remind us that he once worked on the campaign in 1974.

The guy in front of you who can’t keep his satin yarmulke or tallis in place, so you have to keep reaching down and over to help him out.

The black or Asian bar mitzvah guest who sits rigidly and politely for the entire three-hour service, shaming you for fidgeting and checking your watch every ten minutes.

The chazan who gets to the “Ve’ne’emar” at the end of Aleinu faster than is humanly possible, making u feel like a slacker.

The Hatzolah ambulance guy who makes a big show of displaying his emergency beeper on Shabbat – reminding you that he has an escape plan, while you’re stuck for another two hours.

The people who mouth  the words to the silent Amidah as they daven, making that disgusting lip-smacking, saliva- popping sound.

Morton Mandelbrot — you don’t know him, but he’s really freakin’ annoying.