JustASC

Tom Lehrer’s “Hanukkah in Santa Monica” riffs on Shavuos, Purim, and Yom “Kippa” (rhymes with Mississippa”), but inexplicably leaves out Simchat Torah. It’s time to remedy that:

We’ll dance the hora, on Simchat Torah

Waving flags and wearing polyester pants.

We’ll hear the parsha, from Rabbi Marsha,

And do the circle thing that Jews think looks like dance.

I’ll give tzedaka, to earn some merit

And pretend I know the meaning of

She-mi-ni Atzeret.

Hoshana rabba, I’ll ask my Abba

Or maybe Ima, whose on the bima,

The stuff they didn’t teach in Hebrew school.

And I’ll sit inside the sukkah

And smoke ganja from a hookah

Every guy and every Mrs.

Will admire my new tzitzis,

Simchat Torah, while they bore ya, in the shul!