by Debra Rubin
NJJN Bureau Chief/Middlesex

May 12, 2009

When Sheri-Rose and Seth Rubin approached the nursery school of Congregation Neve Shalom in Metuchen about enrolling their son, they were not optimistic.

After all, the school had never had a youngster with cerebral palsy and was not really equipped to handle youngsters with such disabilities.

“We weren’t sure what they would ultimately be able to do, and they weren’t sure what they would be able to do, but not for one second were they ever hesitant about Max coming to nursery school,” said Sheri-Rose. “He went there for several years and each year presented new and different challenges as he got older and his needs changed, but never did Neve Shalom ever say no to anything we ever asked.”

The Metuchen couple was so grateful to their synagogue that they hired a professional filmmaker last year to produce a piece on the spirit of inclusiveness that marked Max’s preschool years.

That 10-minute film, Saying Yes: The Story of Max Rubin will be unveiled at two screenings on May 17 at the synagogue.

“This is our gift to Neve Shalom,” said Sheri-Rose. “When the time came for graduation, we wanted to document somehow the love and kindness and absolute open-mindedness it showed in having a handicapped child in school. We wanted it to be less about Max as a child with a disability and more about the synagogue community and children and their kindness.”

She said she envisions Neve Shalom — which she praised as “a model for other communities and Jewish education” — sharing the film with other synagogues to encourage them to be more inclusive or to apply for grants.

Sheri-Rose, herself a disability rights lawyer who now teaches in the legal services department at Middlesex County College, said Neve Shalom did more than say yes. When Max had trouble maneuvering the playground, the congregation took action. In 2004, just as Max was starting nursery school, the congregation was redesigning the playground and decided to put down a smoother surface and remove steps to accommodate Max.

An aide was hired for Max and when the synagogue reached out to the local school district, administrators “jumped through hoops” to meet requirements necessary for placement of a handicapped child, said Sheri-Rose.

Now that Max is five and a student in the synagogue’s religious school, the congregation continues to provide him with his own aide.

Nursery school director Martha Mack said interacting with Max enriched students and staff. “When we first started, we thought this would only benefit Max, who is a typical kid — bright, funny, a real all-star. What we didn’t realize is what it would do for us, his classmates, his peers. Max truly gave us a gift — the gift of inclusion.”

The school arranged for a physical therapist to come once a week, for example, but developed a program called “Stretching it to the Max,” in which his classmates — with Max leading the session — took the therapy alongside their friend.

“The gift that Max gave to us was learning how to accept people with disabilities and to realize we are all the same in the inside,” said Mack.

The Rubins have been saying “yes” to Max since the day he was born. Like their nine-year-old daughter, Sophie — adopted from the former Soviet Union — Max came to them through a private adoption in New Jersey.

Even after learning he had cerebral palsy, they never considered backing out of the adoption.

“He was our child from before he was born and, as with all parents, you deal with the hand that’s dealt to you and love your children as they are,” said Sheri-Rose. “We have had nothing but joy from our kids. People always say our kids are lucky, but we say we are the ones who are lucky.”

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