by Diane Finn

July 17, 2008

When I heard the news the morning after about the murder at the YMCA Family Center in Montclair, I felt the shock, sadness, and anger not only as a caring citizen but also as a domestic violence professional who works on a daily basis with victims of abuse such as Monica Paul.

Last week, police arrested Monica’s estranged husband, Kenneth Duckett, and charged him with shooting Monica to death on June 26 while their 11-year-old daughter watched and their four-year-old swam nearby.

As a domestic violence professional, I also felt a sense of failure.

Although I did not know Monica personally, I could well imagine the grief felt by her family, friends, and, most importantly, her children. As coordinator of client services for the Rachel Coalition of Jewish Family Service of MetroWest, I work with so many women like Monica: Women who are intelligent and capable who, nevertheless, experience domestic abuse.

I imagined that, like my clients, Monica grappled with many perplexing issues as she tried to determine what to do about a relationship made frightening and volatile by the violence of the person she had once loved. I imagined that she worried about the impact of the domestic violence on her children and wondered if they would be better off if she stayed or if she left their father.

As a domestic violence professional, I also felt a sense of failure. Did we, the professionals, not work hard enough to let Monica know that there were domestic violence services that might have helped her? Did we somehow not reach out sufficiently to tell Monica that there were domestic violence counselors available to help her sort through the many possible options available to help her attain safety? Had any domestic violence counselors or advocates come in contact with her but not offered her information that could have helped her regarding safety planning or the availability of domestic violence shelters?

I may never know whether Monica did receive the best possible domestic violence services or whether there was something someone could have done differently to change the heartbreaking outcome. However, I do know that there are many dedicated, capable service providers in our area who have helped others to avoid such a tragic outcome.

Since Duckett had been ordered in October to have no contact with Monica, some people may look at this tragedy and conclude that restraining orders don’t work and that there is no protection from a violent partner. But domestic violence professionals know that sometimes this step toward safety is not enough. When we work with a client, we will do a risk assessment to determine known factors that increase homicide risk. We will do a safety plan with the client to help her think through the steps both before and after getting a restraining order (if she chooses to get one). When necessary, we can arrange for a stay in a domestic violence shelter and, in the most extreme situations, we can help with actions such as moving out of the area, making mail untraceable, and changing names and Social Security numbers. There are also legal programs to assist eligible victims with their related court cases.

Since the early 1980s, the domestic violence prevention movement in this country has had measurable success. The U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that the number of female victims of “intimate homicide” has decreased by 25 percent from 1986 to 2005, the latest year available from the FBI (“Supplementary Homicide Reports, 1976-2005”). While there were no domestic violence shelters in 1970, there are now more than 2,000 in the United States, including at least one in every county in New Jersey. Since 1991, New Jersey has had one of the country’s strongest laws regarding restraining orders and mandatory arrest for certain domestic violence offenses. The increase in recognition of the problem and availability of services to help victims of domestic violence has allowed more victims to succeed in moving on to safety.

I would like to communicate to anyone dealing with an abusive relationship that there are experts who understand the nature of this problem and who can provide the information, support, and resources you need to make a successful transition to a violence-free, happier life.

Diane Finn, LCSW, is coordinator of client services for the Rachel Coalition of Jewish Family Service of MetroWest.

The Rachel Coalition is a nonprofit, nondenominational domestic violence counseling program with its main office in Livingston. For more information on Rachel Coalition services, call 973-740-1233.

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