by Debra Rubin
NJJN Bureau Chief/Middlesex

October 9, 2008

Barbra Siperstein came to her Perth Amboy synagogue on Sept. 13 to receive her new Hebrew name — and to celebrate her new identity as a woman after completing sex reassignment surgery.

The former Barry Siperstein, a 65-year-old resident of Edison, legally changed her name to Barbra last year to reflect her new status. Last month’s ceremony changed her Hebrew name from Eliezer Banish to Baila Chaya.

It was Rabbi Melinda Zalma of Congregation Beth Mordecai in Perth Amboy who suggested the naming ceremony, citing a 2003 Conservative movement teshuva, or ruling, on the status of transsexuals.

“There is a teshuva by the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards that says in some ways this person becomes a new person and therefore in some ways needs a new Hebrew name,” said Zalma.

The committee is part of the Rabbinical Assembly, the movement’s rabbinic arm.

Lisa Harris Glass, executive director of the NJ region of United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, said she did not know of any other such ceremonies at the approximately 60 Conservative synagogues affiliated with the region, which runs north from Ocean County.

“I’m excited by this,” said Zalma, who has been at the synagogue about two years. “I’ve known about this since I first started. I met her at services once or twice. We went out for coffee and she told me about it. Since that time we’ve become quite close. This is something that’s been a part of her life for many years, and the congregation has been quite open and accepting about it.”

That acceptance was near universal — surprising, perhaps, in a 110-year-old congregation whose members are mostly senior citizens. Zalma said she has heard no gossiping or negative comments.

Siperstein received her new name in a joint ceremony in which her great-niece, infant Rachel Maguire of Silver Spring, Md., also received her Hebrew name.

In attendance were numerous members of Siperstein’s family, including her daughter, Janna Siperstein.

Barbara Siperstein expressed surprise “at how emotional it was for me.” Her new Hebrew middle name, Chaya, was also the Hebrew name of her wife, Carol, who died seven years ago after 34 years of marriage.

“She was my best friend and partner,” Siperstein explained. “We explored my change of gender together. I think this is another step, although a very important one, on this journey I’ve been on for a long time.”

Siperstein also has two sons, who were unable to attend, and two grandchildren, age six and nine, who still refer to her as “Pop-pop.”

“There was concern about how this would affect [the grandchildren] psychologically but they’ve seen it happen gradually,” said Siperstein. “While others around me see a woman, they still see me as Pop-pop and I’m still my children’s father.”

Long process

Siperstein said she began her gender change process 15 or 20 years ago, with her family’s support. The process is lengthy, including counseling and such physical procedures as electrolysis for beard removal.

“I’ve been out in various degrees more or less publicly for the last four or five years,” said Siperstein, a Beth Mordecai board member for 25 years. “I didn’t have a name for it, but even in my preadolescence, when I was nine or 10, I knew I was different.

“Later on, as I approached my mid-life crisis, I knew something was wrong. I had the Jaguars, the horses — my wife and I bred and raced trotters and pacers — all the boys’ toys.”

Zalma suggested the ceremony last year, and Siperstein mulled it over.

“I called this summer and said I’d be ready sometime between the Democratic convention and the High Holy Days,” said Siperstein, who describes herself as “a recovering Republican” and Zionist who was a convention delegate and is active in NORPAC, a statewide lobbying organization for Israel.

Since her daughter took over the family business, Siperstein’s Paint and Decorating Centers, she feels she is free to advocate change in the discrimination laws affecting gays, lesbians, and transsexuals.

“After my wife died in 2001, I realized as a single trans-person I wasn’t first class anymore,” said Siperstein. “If gays and lesbians are second class, what was I? I didn’t like to consider myself second class. My mother always used to say, ‘God helps those who help themselves.’”

As president of the NJ Stonewall Democrats and vice president of Garden State Equality, which advocates for gay, lesbian, and transgender civil rights, Siperstein has helped amend state discrimination and hate crimes laws to include gender.

Siperstein was also appointed by Gov. Jon Corzine to the NJ Civil Union Review Commission.

Siperstein said gay marriage in the state “is eventually going to happen. It’s all about equality and civil rights. If a synagogue or church doesn’t want to marry someone, that is their right, but we are talking about a civil marriage contract.

“It’s ironic. I was married 34 years in what would be considered the most trying of circumstances. Now I couldn’t marry if I wanted to. The bottom line is it’s about property, preserving assets, and having institutions respect those rights.

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Macro vs. micro

A TESHUVA, or rabbinic ruling, issued five years ago by the Conservative movement’s Committee on Jewish Law and Standards cites talmudic and biblical sources in coming to conclusions about how transsexuals should be viewed.

The committee, which provides guidance within the movement on matters of Jewish law, is part of the Rabbinic Assembly, the movement’s rabbinic arm.

The 13-page document touches on a number of subjects, from cross-dressing to whether a spouse of a transgender person needs to receive a get, or decree of Jewish divorce, if he or she wishes to end a marriage with a transsexual partner who has completed sexual reassignment surgery.

Halacha, or Jewish law, stated the teshuva, “has always been macroscopic and not microscopic. Therefore, external organs determine the sexual status of a person. Genetic information may be helpful but at present are not considered the determining factor.”

While acknowledging there are not many direct sources dealing with the matter, the teshuva cites religious prohibitions on dressing in the clothes of another sex, sterilization, castration, and mutilation of the body.

Despite these restrictions, sexual reassignment surgery can be justified as treatment for a psychological condition.

“Their pain and anguish is great, and there is no doubt that they are suffering,” stated the document, written by Rabbi Mayer E. Rabinowitz, associate professor of Talmud at the Jewish Theological Seminary. “This has led them to undergo the long and difficult procedures outlined and would therefore be permissible, just as it would be permissible to help treat a physical ailment.”

The committee further recommended a new Hebrew name be given to denote the new gender status.

— DEBRA RUBIN

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