Jewish in a Christian world

I don’t need my yarmulke to remind me that I’m different

April 16, 2009

I am a Jew living in a Christian country: a black grain of sand on a white beach. Although I live in a community with an unusually large population of Jews, I used to find myself reluctant at times to be forthright about my religious affiliations.

Growing up, I went to a Jewish private school. There, I was able to dress myself to my truest form. My yarmulke gave me strength and my blue and white talit was my shield for the morning prayer services each day.

I always felt comfortable expressing my Judaism in an environment solely made up of Jews. Everyone was exactly like me and understood my religious practices.

However, as soon as school ended each day I would immediately take off my yarmulke before going home. I felt awkward being in public while wearing a yarmulke because I knew it was not commonplace and would cause society to recognize me as a Jew.

I was not ashamed of myself or my heritage; it was just that religion to me was a private matter.

In December, the entire world seems to be preparing for festivities, none of which I partake in. I have never smelled the engaging scent of gingerbread cookies coming from my kitchen nor have I answered to the Santa Claus in the mall waiting to hear my holiday wish list.

The incessant chime of Christmas carols on the radio is pounded into my head. I am quite often wished a merry Christmas, to which I usually respond with the same benediction.

I am reminded I am an outsider, watching everyone else celebrate Christmas from behind a glass wall. Why bother explaining the fact that I celebrate Hanukka?

In doing so, I would come across as rude to someone who is just trying to wish me well. The truth is that I would rather share in the joyous holiday spirit with everyone else than go through the difficulty of spelling out my religious beliefs.

I am unlike most other Americans, but I have decided to embrace my own beliefs like a proud parent who protects their precious child.

It is most important for me to be true to myself. Buried inside of me is the pride and delight of keeping my faith, and as I have grown I have come to realize that my faith is very much a part of who I am.

It is a beautiful jewel that is to be admired. Like the atmosphere which filters away damaging radiation, I have learned to take no notice of distractions that I face in guarding my Jewish beliefs.

Throughout my life I have realized that there are certain things worth pursuing, while others are better left alone.

As an American Jew, I realize that Christmas will always overshadow Hanukka.

However, I have also come to realize that I can be comfortable as a Jew in this country, which makes an effort to put little discrimination on religion.

Perhaps this is why I feel it unnecessary to wear my beliefs for everyone else to see.

What is most important is the fact that I know where I stand, and know how to reconcile my beliefs in a non-Jewish society.

Unlike oil and water, which remain separate when mixed, I no longer consider myself to be an American and a Jew; I am an American Jew.

Ben Wainberg attends Livingston High School and is a member of Nu’s teen board.