Parents, PLEASE stay off my facebook

Teens deserve their privacy, online and off

April 16, 2009

In the last few months, I’ve noticed a huge influx of parents into our sacred Facebook domain. With the coming of the New Year, I’ve received friend requests dominated by parents of friends from school. The New York Times reported a 276 percent increase among Facebook users ages 35-54 during the last six months of 2008.

Please, please don’t get me wrong.

I think Facebook is wonderful for older people; it allows them to reconnect with forgotten roommates, mingle with other PTA members, and do whatever else enigmatic adults do in their day-to-day lives. Perhaps parents will finally learn how use a computer without our help!

However, if we want to proceed civilly, there need to be guidelines — not necessarily mandatory but definitely encouraged.

The first and most important is: Parents should resist the urge to “friend” their own children, and by extension, their children’s friends.

Parents should not wait until their teen admits they feel uncomfortable being “friends,” or more awkwardly, until they realize their teen has only given them access to a “limited profile.” Adults should try to keep their friends list to people their own age.

And while we’re on this topic, the same should be said for teens. Teens should limit their adult friends, and if possible, keep them at zero.

For most teens, being “friends” with parents is a big responsibility, not to mention possibly a breach of privacy that few adults or teens are skilled at handling well.

It’s ironic, and problematic, that most teens have no qualms about allowing random kids from school to witness the inner workings of their lives, and discover facets of their identities, that they should never reveal to the public in the first place.

But if mom or dad should see those pictures or comments…

For adults and teens to coexist, there need to be separate spheres of communication; one for people under 25, and one for everyone else. Teens and parents should be prudent not to share too much.

A second guideline is that a parent’s Facebook account should reflect the parent’s profile, not a family’s. Parents should leave out family pictures, even if they’re not embarrassing.

The equilibrium between parents and teens is extremely fragile. This emergence of parents into the private realms of modern teens threatens the preexisting harmony (lack of discord, at least) between these two highly separated generations.

Perhaps the newfound curiosity in teenage culture will bridge the prodigious gap between parents and their beloved yet confusing teens.

However, if parents would like to narrow this gap and possibly bond with their adolescents over their common love for the Internet, they must restrain themselves.

I cannot fathom anything more frustrating than hearing about adults changing their status twice a day or posting meaningless comments on friends’ walls. If adults wish to indulge in these frivolous pleasures like their children, they must refrain from discussing such activity as much as possible.

It’s nothing personal. Though adults may have good intentions, their over-eagerness can throw off a sensitive balance.

Maybe one day teens and parents will be able to openly and easily communicate at Facebook. Or not. Still, for now, I guess Facebook can provide some sort of common ground between these two far-apart generations.

Avi Cohen, 17, attends Solomon Schechter Day School of Essex and Union and is a member of Nu’s teen board.