Fresh(man) start

College as a new beginning

September 30, 2009

I hadn’t really thought about what would happen once I actually got into college. For nearly two years, it had only been about that — making it to the day where I’d have my “Congratulations!” letter in my hands (or these days, on my computer screen), and being able to actually begin the next four years of my life.

Well, turns out it wasn’t all that easy.

Senior year was almost too much to juggle — hard classes, SATs (for the third and final time), applications…and the maintenance of a social life.

Some weeks were worse than others, but what nearly put me over the edge was the waiting that ensued once my visits had been completed, applications had been submitted, and supplemental material had been sent. By January 1, my work was done, but somehow, I didn’t feel like I was off the hook.

Fast forward to May 1, 2009: a decision has been made, and Emory University and I have determined that we’re meant for each other.

By this time, senior year is coming to a close, and everything seems to have fallen into place. My mind shifts from extreme tenseness to an overwhelming sense of relaxation and nostalgia.

The college process was a stressful way to end an extraordinary four years; but once I regained the emotional strength that it had drained out of me, I became engaged in graduation preparations, prom plans, my senior project, and everything that signified summer.

It was startling.

The transition from college process to planning for college ambushed me in a way — I was so mixed up in the former that I didn’t even get a chance to prepare myself for the latter.

So soon enough, the thrills of leaving high school became quickly entwined with sadness for what I now realized I was leaving behind: I wouldn’t miss the drama, but I’d miss the memories that came from it.

I wouldn’t miss the boring lectures I’d endured for so long, but I’d miss the teachers who gave them.

I wouldn’t miss doing homework each night, but I’d miss my mom telling me to get off the computer as my “work” kept me up past midnight.

I wouldn’t miss waking up at 6:30 every day, but I’d miss spending those ten minutes of my morning commute in the car with my little brother.

I tried to get over these sappy sentiments as quickly as I could and focus on what was just a few months away: the glorious college life.

It was what I had worked for, slaved over, and dreamt about for four years, and it was finally here.

But even now, with less than one month remaining until I fly off to Atlanta, there’s still a sense of disbelief.

It seems surreal that such a large chapter of my life has closed, and that the next one is just beginning.

I always say that I don’t feel like this process changed me — the whole getting-into-college-while-trying-to-survive-high-school thing — but I’ve heard it said before. Maybe my maturity has reached new heights, my appearance has changed a little bit, and my capacity for learning has broadened significantly, but I really do feel like the same person.

I’m the same person who entered high school with an open mind, enjoyed it with a sense of passion, and left it behind feeling accomplished — and that same person will proceed to do it all over again in college.

Because I’ve invested so much time and effort in my high school career, it only makes sense to believe that I’ve emerged a relatively different person. But it’s still difficult for me to identify the changes in myself — they all just feel natural and like part of what made up my being all along. I guess I’ll just have to take their word for it.

So, I might “change” in college, but hopefully nothing too severe…maybe a little like how I felt about high school, not taking notice of it at all, but still acknowledging its presence.

I’ve had plenty of new experiences before — ones that have offered change — but it seems like this one offers a little more: a new city, new living arrangements, new teachers, and new classmates. Though it’s intimidating, I can’t wait for all of this “new” to begin.

At times, I know I’ll miss some of the old, but perhaps I’ll become consumed once again by college, though in a very different way.

Lauren Kaplan, one of Nu’s founding members, graduated from Newark Academy and attends Emory University.