I never knew I liked after Nazim Hikmet

April 13, 2010

It’s 5 a.m. September 15
I lie in the comforts of my twin bed
As the dawn begins to break over the horizon
Of my windowsill.
I never knew I liked
the view from my small bedroom window,
Overlooking the quiet street of my
Hushed town, and the lonely lamp post
That will only awaken once the rest
Of us hide away for the night.

I never liked hiding, hide-and-go-seek,
Childish games,
It’s been a long time since I was
a child, since I cuddled up
Into the curves of my mother.
I never knew how much I’d miss
The touch of her soft fingertips
Running through my thick hair.

I always loved when my mother and father
Invited their friends to the house.
It made it easy for me to fall into the corner.
Their conversations were never for me,
But that never stopped me from listening.
The best was at night,
When I’d climb into my bed and fall asleep
To the hum of clinking wine glasses,
strong male voices, and soft feminine laughs,
someone else’s presence.

I never knew the danger of loneliness,
Of having no one there,
To call me Phoebs,
Call me what you’d like.
I’ve always liked my name,
My two syllables that set me apart.
Unique, that’s the word they use to describe it.
I never really liked that word.

And here I’ve always liked words,
But I’m only starting to learn how to use them,
How to twist my words,
How people have twisted my words.

Phoebe Rosenfeld attends Livingston High School and is a member of Nu’s teen board.