Let’s talk tachlis about bat mitzvah dress $$

If you have spent any time with Israelis, especially in Israel, you know that they are much more comfortable discussing the price of things than we are. So much so that a guidebook, in Hebrew, for visiting the U.S. says, (and I’m paraphrasing someone else’s translation) “When you go into someone’s home, it is okay to compliment the home, but do not ask how much the family paid for it.” When I was in Israel last summer, a mall security guard who kindly took our picture liked our camera and asked me how much I paid. What could I do? I told him.

With that in mind, for this post I’m gonna be Israeli: What did you pay for your daughter’s bat mitzvah dress? For the service? For the party? What did you pay for yours? Did you buy your bar mitzvah boy a new suit? At Marshall’s or Nordstrom? I’m asking because I started to total up the clothing costs (for just us girls, not even the boys) and starting repeating to myself ad nauseum: Really? REALLY?

In fairness, since I asked you, I’ll go first: my party dress I got at Bloomingdale’s, on the charity ticket day they have every fall so that I would get 20 percent off. So my reasonably priced black sparkly number was even more reasonable at $144. The only alteration it needs is a hem. I found a-mah-zing shoes to match for $200, cause the shoes I had that I wanted to wear weren’t the right mood. I justified the shoes because I will truly get a lot of use out of them; they’re versatile and won’t collect dust in my closet.

I wasn’t so lucky with my service dress. I don’t love myself in suits. I wore them in my 20′s to feel older, and now they make me feel, well, older. And in fall/winter 2010-11 collections, no one ever heard of sleeves, so finding a dress was like trying to find a Jew at a tent revival meeting- not a lot of selection. Last week I found a great silk dress with a modest silhouette (read: actual sleeves and a jewel neckline) for $398, and needs a $20 nip/tuck. I had to take a deep breath and say fuck it, I look good in it, and it works for me, because I don’t usually buy dresses in that price point. Um, now that I think of it, other than my wedding dress, it’s the most expensive dress I’ve ever owned. Shoes I had, but they’re pretty new, bought in the fall for about $150. I still need a hat.

Okay, now we’re up to Big Girl. While shopping for me in Cachet, she saw a pretty purple strapless number and begged to try it on. Before she entered the fitting room, she had to repeat after Mommy that if purchased, straps would be sewn on. There are like seven or more reasons, enough for another post, why I feel 12 year olds should not be in strapless dresses. Or stripper heels, don’t get me started on those. Anyway, of course it fit her like a glove, and it makes her look like the tall column she is. We bought it for $168. I thought that was a little pricey, but still okay. She has (little) black heels purchased in early fall for $79. She was a little disappointed that she wasn’t getting new(er) shoes, but she understood.

The service dress shopping has been a low-level battle. She wanted basically another party dress. “I’ll put a black sweater over it, Mommy.” Oh no you won’t. After searching through store after store (Gotham, Kids at Heart, Bloomie’s, Loehmann’s where she rolled her eyes up to the stratosphere) over the past four months (and rolling my own eyes at some of the price tags), I caved and took her where “everyone” goes, Princess Charming in West Orange, which I had been avoiding because I knew that their dresses are not inexpensive.

But the reason “everyone” goes there because the atmosphere is calm, Andy and Sandy are lovely and helpful, and if you go with enough lead time, which of course I didn’t (have you met me?), you can order whatever style you want in other colors. Because we went today, and today is 46 days before the bat mitzvah, Sandy found several dress and jacket ensembles off the rack that were appropriate, which of course my daughter would have none of (the brown with pink dots that made her look like a tall column? No dots, Mommy. The light blue that made her look 15? Wrong shade of blue). What did she want? The satin party dresses that we could order a jacket for. Okay, fine, I relented, because she’s cute and sometimes she should have what she wants just because. Then of course my first choice was her second choice, and vice versa. I caved again, cause it’s her day. Aqua satin it is: $240, plus $90 for the jacket. I would cue the record-scratch-sound, but I am now worn down. $330 for a 12 year old? The fact that we can afford it aside (we are blessed with that, and I would never go into hock to pay for any part of this weekend), it’s too much! Basically, I bought my first $300 dress at about age 37, and she gets hers at age 12? Really? REALLY?

I ended up yelling at her on the ride home for touching the radio when really I was angry at just having spent that amount of money on a kid’s dress.

Post anonymously if you want, but please either reassure me that these prices are in line with what you paid or tell me I am crazy and should cancel the order immediately!