Saying hard things to good friends

Recently I had lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. We had a good long talk, and among our topics of conversation we talked about an issue she was having with one of her children.

There was something I hadn’t told her about her child, that I was holding back from telling her, because I didn’t want to cause her pain. But she led me right to it, and asked what I knew and thought about the situation, and I said it. The earth didn’t swallow either one of us, and the conversation rolled along.

Today we saw each other for a minute, and she thanked me for being so forthright. It had helped, she said. Good, I replied, telling her that I hadn’t wanted to hurt her feelings. She assured me I didn’t.

We forget sometimes that we must actually risk hurt feelings when the matter at hand is worth more. I will try to remember in the future.